I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
