shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
