so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
