On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Nicole vs. Life
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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