I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
