I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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