I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
