If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
