She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
