So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
