Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
