What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
