Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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