I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
