well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
