Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize