Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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