Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
