if i can run in heels then i can drive
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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