If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
