Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
