was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
