At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
