You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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