You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Boobs speak an international language.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
