Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
