just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
