i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
