This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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