You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
