she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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