everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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