barbara walters just said penis...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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