I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
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