He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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