i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
