do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
