Kiss
Puke
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
