They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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