Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
