I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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