a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
