apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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