Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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