Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
