I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
