apparently the secret to your success is patron
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
