How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
