He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My liver just had a heart attack.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
