When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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