Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
