I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
