Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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