Please, let me fuck your mom
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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