I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize