I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Come see our sink grown plant.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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