i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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