Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
