I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
They have beer where we have blood.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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