the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
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