So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
