Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
