We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
