all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize