just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
